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Not knowing

I am in a period of transition.

Have you ever felt the need for certainty? To have something in your life that would never change? Something that would always be there? I have been focused a lot lately on finding or creating this centerpiece in my life.

Nothing seems to quite fit though. No word, phrase, picture, activity or person seems to be something I want to stay in a forever kind of way.

I feel restless and stuck at the same time.

We recently lost one of my friends from University. Her name is Stephanie Lacroix. She was on the flight that went down in Ethiopia.

I also am going through some relationship upheaval. Trying to sort what does not work and making space for what does.

It feels like spring cleaning where everything is messier than ever at the beginning. I am hoping it will all sort out as I go on.

The good news is that I will be finishing school soon. The idea of working for a living as I am recovering from my burst of mental health issues is equal parts exciting and nerve wracking. I am excited to be able to contribute, make money and help serve vulnerable populations. However, I am also nervous about relapses, burn out and dealing with difficulties in the field.

I can only do my best.

I can only take baby steps.

It’s possible that I won’t ever get famous, rich or well-recongnized but my life will contribute to making the world a bit less of a sucky place.

I can take small actions each day to bring about change.

I can love and accept myself as I work towards improving my station in life.

There is always hope. I pray in every timeline across the universe people are always able to sense and feel hope lifting them up.

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