OPINIONS vs Onions
Edit: Upon further introspection, I realized that one of my favorite quote applies here.
“Often, unsung heroes go unheard” -Anonymous.
It takes a lot to remember the heroes that came before. Helping, healing and the time it takes in between breathe and pause. If one thing helps you, I sincerely hope you find it.
On a day when I was angry, I wrote based on my opinions- which some times I act like they are from only banana-muffins but in actuality they have been in my gears/grain for a long time. I am only now just becoming brave enough to talk about it in a way that feels good. So, I am writing on behalf of myself and delicious banana muffins. For me, standing by an opinion means writing, speaking, reading and watching my favourite Kung-Fu movie with the one-person I love most in the world. One day, I can introduce you to him dear reader. For now though, he has my whole heart and I’d have to paint that accurately first-aha.
p.s All the trigger warnings. Emotionally processing my own relating to the world. I am very weird vs. wise. #humanbeing
Truth is... I don't know EVERYTHING. Trust is... We all learn to figure it out.
Go stare at a Rembrandt for a bit. Or a couple thousand Bernini’s. Those are masterful.
Note: These are my original pieces of artwork. I made this because I am great at LOTS. I also have weird brain stuff.
My brain and I get nervous because I know … you know… I am a mortal being… My heart is very adamant that I am here to stay though- which is sweet in a corny forever-love kind of way.
Legacy is how people tell you they accomplished their greatest feature of being themselves when it WAS “Ugly Cry Time”
FACTZ! Are “Truthy” at Best
At worst, they are me without coffee and no sleep.
I do act like I have my life all figured out though.
*someone please cue up dramatic music*
Why thank you, I feel much better now.
Yet, I have probably rambled in every appointment, voicemail and phonecall; of perhaps my life. Yes, even the important ones.
Even when I am at my best, I am a bit of an outlier in terms of clear thinking. It seems to take me forever to process my own insecurities. Also, I am stubborn and get bored easily. Thank goodness for art.
Truth is none of us get to see behind the curtain of the people who work tirelessly to get to what they need for help. Actually, I think some people do weirdly enough.
Those are the “miracles” that I forget to tell… or I am not ready to talk about yet. In many ways, I am learning to fight my own battles. In others, I am learning to ask for help. I am moving forward but I don’t always think that is the same process for people. I know I process… by being… myself? Let’s move on from the metaphysical imperatives of that situation though.
Fear vs. ME WINNING
Above and beyond, those are the things that really scare me. I tried once to write down all my fears and get rid of them by crying into a pillow like a princess. You know what, it was not the solution for me. I’ve tried the working out and being a warrior all day everyday- still a bit of a sensitive. Hence, I am going to keep working on myself and loving the people in my life as best I can.
Basically, I forget that I am a flawed human being who loves people rather profoundly… and I am my own worst critic. These are the elements that keep me in a loop of sanity.
I know my team.
I know who I love.
I know who I am. Those are the stories I can’t help but remember.
I imagine them like vines, filligree, leaves and every person who has worked their hardest that came before me.
This method is a tad overcomplicated but very beautiful in the right lighting. These intricate details are usually the significant markers of someone who was doing what they really loved. I wonder about those people, I think they must have mastered their life if they really made some thing of that magnitude.
I don’t always get to see the people who have worked the hardest. Nor do I get to hear them.
I know that they exist. The speak loud, they love hard and they know to the core of their being that they are bright.
My life now is so removed from what it once was I tend to forget I am safe and happy now… I know that might sound weird but it is really true.
I forget how much work goes into being that for other people. It might make me selfish at times but you know what, if I can become the one person who lifts someone else up even if it’s for those precious 5-seconds. I am there.
Note: You can’t impose your suggestions on how people move, groove and get on with their life. People are also not Sims like they are not puzzles.
The fable in my head is the whole moral of: It’s not BECAUSE we are human that we are flawed.
It is about knowing how hard it was for someone to love you so dearly to get up and do what they loved most in times of struggle.
It is the fully appreciating how TRULY and deeply someone worked to lift their love up.
Also, about choosing their own HEART.
Basically, it’s every silly love song AND batch of cookies. When I hear people singing their favourites, I hear every ounce of gumption, grit and determination it took to bring someone your favourite dinner. When I hear effort, I hear every grandma and grandpa knowing that their kids are doing their best.
There is the self-discovery nugget people.
- I am a cry baby at 25 years old.
- I have also worked really hard to earn my skills.
- I don’tknow how to label them yet… but I know I love my people.
- I know if you asked I could find a way in time on how to say it.
I might not be the best. I am going to DO my best though- that counts for all of us.
You know that I will work, play and move forward in my own way. I will love my people.
If I took a shower, survived and I am now thriving. I want to be the one to help people.
I am my own number 1 person.
I don’t need to label or sticker.
I don’t need to understand anything past that.
I need to know that I am the one I love. Even though, loving someone like me takes a team of people at times.
Who is your team!? What do you do to lift yourself up?